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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

My Hilarious Start to the day! I'm still laughing...

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
#16 “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”

#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

#14 “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13 “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12 “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”

#11 “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

#10 “Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

#9 “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

#8 “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

#7 “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”

#6 “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

#5 “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”

#4 “How big were those ‘Just two beers’ you say you had?”

#3 “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”

#2 “I’m glad to hear that Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”


#1 “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”

It's SQUARE ROOT DAY!!! 3-3-09 There is you trivia for the day!


Kulkuri said...

Years back UP on the tundra a woman got pulled over and when she told the cop that her husband was the plant manager of the factory that was the largest employer in town, the cop said "Good, then you can afford to pay the ticket."

Mnmom said...

I feel for cops. So many of them get a bum rap for the rotten ones. As a former Social Worker, I know the population they usually work with and it ain't pretty. Those are hysterical!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Too funny!

Utah Savage said...

Love the list. My recent conversations with the cop types was good as encounters with the police. I felt threatened and they took me seriously. You can't ask for much more than that from the Protect and Serve public servants.

The Immortal Woman said...

These were great, forwarded them on to my son, he's a rookie and spends a lot of time writing tickets!!

Susan said...

Who knew the police could be so witty?